How to write a 5 minute number in 3 days

1. Pretend it's possible.
2. Find a premise.
3. Write with no regard to style, structure or spelling. 3 to 4 pages so you can cut it down to 2.
4. Go over everything once and see if anything funny comes up.
5. Take away all the ideas that make no sense or suck.
6. Change the order of things until it sort of sounds coherent.
7. Insert old jokes that fit the bill, but don't crowbar anything in.
8. Read it until you can punch at the right places.
9. Stop as soon as you'd rather puke than read it again.
10. Wait 24 hours. Read it again.
11. Stop procrastinating by writing a blog dumb-ass. This shit ain't going to write itself.