What to expect when you're expecting

I know what to expect when you're expecting. I've had three kids, and I am pretty funny, so I am a good person to be blogging about parenting, babies and expecting on whattoexpect.com. The problem? I get paid to do it so for some reason, I do it less. I am calling my own self out right now as a reminder that I only have to post twice a month, we are the 30th and I haven't done it yet.

How dumb is that?

You think this will happen when writing stand-up comedy and television shows?

Maybe if I think about all the homework I have to do for tomorrow, I'll get my baby blog on?

Guess what I'm supposed to be doing?

How do I work in a group?

My favorite class should be exported into classrooms and offices everywhere. Creativity class blows my mind. If you want a taste, buy the book 'Thinkertoys' and you will start to get it. There are so many ways to get your creative juices flowing. Seemingly endless ways to find new ideas.

I can't stop gushing about it!

So why do I have trouble doing the homework? I feel like the class has given me a safety net. I know what to do if I need help to write. There seems to always be a way to get out of a funk. And just when you learn one way, another way reveals itself. So that's why I can't analise what I do wrong when, with these tools, I should be all good.

Today I figure out how I work in a group. But that's all relative. Everything is relative, and we have techniques to get things working for any group too. Am I just being lazy? Or have a really absorbed what I am supposed to have to?

Quick, be productive-

Now that's funny! There's nothing that leads less to being productive than having to do so quickly, which is basically what I'm being asked to be all week.

Not only do I have to be productive, but I have to be creative too. Now, I'm a pretty creative person, but pulling jokes out of my ass for joke class, or delving into my psyche for creativity, or birthing a number for next Friday is not something I can do as easily as I make my bed and wash the dishes. And just to clarify, I basically never do either of those things.

I'm at school, getting ready to start trying to do my homework. I've been here for 3 hours talking and fucking around. And not the fun fucking around, the fucking around that means doing stupid things fully dressed. Boo!

Alright, so if I start at 2, by the time it's 5 I might have some stuff done. One, two, three... Who wants to take a break?

First Friday over

We have these things called Fridays. I know what you're going to say: Annie, I'm pretty sure we all have those. Good! I like a quick audience. I'm not talking about the day of the week, although the Fridays I'm talking about do end up falling on a Friday (go figure). I'm talking about comedy!school and our creation class.

We've been sitting pretty in a sort of comedy laboratory for the first 4 weeks of school, trying numbers out on our class, really whatever we wanted. I am not the best at trying out characters, and I cannot hold an accent or a speech pattern for 1 minute, let alone 5. That's basically what I tried out, with varying degrees of success (still can't hold a speech pattern or accent).

Our first Friday just ended and the 11 of us were quite good, if I do say so myself. I was proud that although we all, with nerves, went over our 5 minutes, every one of us knew our text and every one of us was inventive. There are no weak links in our class. I take this as a good thing, because I want everyone to succeed and to push each other to be better. That said, there is rarely room for everyone to succeed it seems, so it does make me sad.

I've got to feed three kids and my overgrown adolescent husband, I need to be one of those people who succeed. I need to transcend. I probably need to be a man... Ok, so I don't, but if I had a dick it would be a lot easier to succeed. How come my monologues go over better when a guy does them, even when they don't even have good comedic timing? Actually, I don't mind being a writer, as long as I get to live doing something I love.

Back to now: joke writing is freaking hard. We have a class that teaches us all the types of jokes, which we usually write into a monologue. In that class, we have to pluck them out of thin air with no topic, set up or text, hope they're original and correct and FUNNY. That class will be my downfall. Seriously.

On another note, I need my hair done badly. I used to laugh at people that went to the hairdresser, now I don't want to get laughs because my hair is ridiculous. Especially if my hair is funnier than the jokes I'm doing which, if it were the case, kill me now.