Monday, Monday...

Not so good to me. You know how sometimes your art flows through you? I need that right now. I can't think up the right words. I can't seem to stop being scared of later. I have to write my text, perform it in front of my teacher, then do re-writes and learn it again. And I clearly can't learn a text, as demonstrated last Friday.

Okay, so I'm going to go and find a corner and talk it out, hope for divine intervention and then print it out again.

Lunchtime some friends are doing 'pimp my number' where you can go do your number and everyone gives their 2 cents. That'll be my last resort.

I fell on my face but I'm not bleeding

So yesterday I had a Friday. We're working on our numbers for the show. I don't know what happened but I could not have cared less. Nothing was coming out. Not one line! My friend had to feed me almost every single one.

It was like the dress rehearsals for our ballet shows where stuff went so wrong that we thought things would never work.

I came away from it with a sort of certainty that it wouldn't ever happen again. I'm going to work on my text today, and it will be the final version (I have decided) and I will learn it and know it by heart this Monday for my individual meeting. There's no other option.

You know what else I have to do this week? I have to write a funny song and perform it in front of people. I have to make up a game. A board game. That we can play. This is a group thing too so we have to all get together and not only make it great but do the arts and crafts that goes with it.

Soon I have to do a 4 minute spoof on a television show which will be SO FUN! Except for:

We have our show on the 11th and 12th of December. I need to get passports in order. Make sure I pay bills. Go to my parent-teacher meetings. Keep money aside for Disney World (see how I shouldn't be complaining. I get to bring my kids to DISNEY WORLD! HOW COOL IS THAT????). I have to shift bank accounts around and cancel some stuff and do paperwork at my old job. I have to be a mother and take care of my kids because they're my entire reason for being and wanting to get better and working my ass off. I need to find time to exercise because I feel horrible. I need to cook all the time to have healthy stuff to eat. I need to keep my eyes and ears open for projects and I also need to take care of the house but I do some everyday and it's not enough and just the fact that my husband thinks that should be my priority above all else (that and making him food) is enough to make me not wanna make it a priority.

And thank god my sister Sarah comes over to help, or I would never see her and she's my best friend. I don't see my sister Karine at all (we both have no time) and I no longer have any friends. I don't even get to hang out with my parents and when I do all I do is complain, I feel. Yes, home is where you can say what's on your mind or vent, but why the hell would they want to see me or my family if I can't be okay for 2 seconds?

I need to be impressive in school if I ever want to work. It's got to be number 2 behind my kids, and sometimes number 1, 'cause that's who I am doing it for.

I don't think I'll be doing another English show before Christmas... But maybe I can finish my novel? Haha!

Ambition, baby!

Clearly I am insane, as already demonstrated in my real life and all my posts. Even my mother tends to reinforce my point, since she talks to me about stuff like my having the wrong brush for my kids hair... I definitely get it from somewhere.

Anyway, I did have to drop Nano. Although a small part of me wonders how I can't go to school, do outside projects, exercise, eat right, pay bills, be super creative, put on a show and groom and look great all at the same time. I mean, I'm pretty sure my mother could do it. Bitch.

Ok, that was harsh. Sorry mommy!

Anyway, in that life list of stuff I nee to be doing right now, I am doing exactly 1. 2, if you count my grooming (I'm at strict minimum grooming, I wash, but there's no pampering involved).

I keep saying the only way to have the freedom to do what you need to do and the possibility of maybe doing what you want to, you have to be obscenely rich. So that's just another thing on the list of things to put off.

And stuff keeps getting added on to my to-do list without my say-so. My fellow students and I, all adults, have to go talk to the director about a student who's making things difficult for the group. That'll be fun.

Nanowrimo day 4 word count

So here I am, 3 hours into an allnighter having barely written anything. My novel wordcount?



update (3am):

Nanowrimo has kicked off!

And yes, I'm right in the middle of it. Since we don't have to create new numbers every Friday and some of the teachers are slacking on homework, I am using my breaks to write my new book.

I'm not saying I'm going to finish it or that I wouldn't drop it as the first sign of trouble, but right now I need this. I need to train myself to write all the time. And if I'm already sitting down writing, I can always procrastinate by either working on my novel or by working on my homework. It's the perfect fit.

I'm going to write all night Wednesday at a second cup downtown with other wrimos. It'll be great since I'm usually at home trying to write all night (Thursday is an insane day at school)...

I'm about 4 thousand words in, which translates to 15 pages. I find that pretty good, since I've only had two days to work on this. Can I bust 10 thousand words at the write in? Enquiring minds want to know!

On another note, I think I'm going to write a monologue about listening to song lyrics. I don't get it. If one more couple chooses 'every breath you take' as a romantic song to have at your wedding I'm going to hurl.